noor

happy birthday meri jaan.

i know we've had our hardships lekin dil toh ab bhi tere liye hi dhadakta hai. you're nineteen now. and i'm sitting here thinking about how you never once let me leave hungry. that butter chicken you made me. the ramen. kabhi ni bhool skta yaar. you in that pink dress at sunny enclave, showing it to me like it was nothing. and dio, that damn dog who never let us sleep. and that lollipop night, it went on so long we thought it would never end. we were high, obviously.

half the punjabi i speak is yours. "eda hi aa fer". "maade haal hain". all of it from you. you laugh at my punjabi, make fun of it every single time, and i'm still not going to stop. because it isn't mine.

and yeah. psycho toh tu hai. it was a forwarded text, in a gc, and you ended everything in one second. all those months, one misunderstanding. i said something on that call i shouldn't have said and you cried, and now we both laugh about it. funny how the thing that hurts the most turns into the joke later. but honestly, i still think about how fast it all came apart. woh baat abhi tak khatakti hai.

you told me you don't want to be emotionally dependent on me. i understand why you said it. but being dependent isn't weakness noor, it just means you trust someone. aur woh bharosa m todunga nahi, kabhi bhi nahi.

life is a lot right now. work is heavy and i might have to relocate down south, for months. it scares me honestly. i know it doesn't really change anything, you're in dehradun and i'm in delhi, we're already far, and i've made that trip for you so many times. but this feels different. like i'm going away from you. logically i know that's not true, i'll come back, phir bhi. bas hug krna hai tujhe abhi.

not one day has passed where i didn't think about you and just want to run to you.

anyway, today is your day, not mine. so listen. this year i want you to grow so much that you don't need anyone, mere ki bhi nahi. i know it's hard, but you'll do it, m tujhe jaanta hu. and everything you've ever wished for, i hope you get all of it. that golden temple wish, we're going together. woh toh pakka hai.

happy birthday, noor.